Will you marry me?

The topic of marriage has been a topic of discussion lately and I was recently asked about proposal ideas. I thought I would share my best (and by best I mean worst and most hilarious) suggestions…

The Scare-Posal

The general idea is the same but the execution varies. Essentially, you scare your future fiancé in a horror house or scary prank, and end it with a grand finale where they are at peak fear and into a drop everything proposal. It’s like emotional edging (don’t Google that. NSFW).

Scare-Posal #1: The fancy dinner party. This is inspired by those cheesy murder mystery dinner theaters that were popular for a hot minute. You go to a dinner party and people are “murdered” for you to try to figure out who did it. But in this case, the potential fiancé will have zero clue this is going on. Everyone in the dinner party is in on it except the unsuspecting proposee. Throughout the dinner, there is a power outage and a “burglary” gone wrong. Guests are attacked one by one leaving just the soon-to-be fiancés last. Just as the proposer is bleeding out from a fake stab they have one last profession of love for their partner… a proposal! Surprise!

Scare-Posal #2. Like the 1999 movie Jawbreaker but without the death part (spoiler alert). The close friends of the proposed to are let into their house in the middle of the night, put a pillow case over the sleeping beauty’s head, and toss them into the trunk for a drive. But instead of the death or anything bad, they get driven to a romantic location where they are proposed to.

Scare-Posal #3: Children of the Corn. A fall proposal when the pumpkin patches and corn mazes are up and running. Hire actors and take your loved one to the maze for a fun adventure. That adventure turns into a trek of terror where your mate is terrorized by scary small children for a run through the maze until the very end where they arrive to their partner down on one knee with a ring.

The Civil Servant-Posal

This one only works when you’re both civil servant. You wait for the next press conference or rally at the state capital and ask your government employee mate to meet you at the capital for lunch, where you have friends meet you near a camera crew for an obnoxious press covered proposal. You are both wearing work clothes and your government badges. It makes the local newspaper but you are simply referred to as “two state employees get engaged at the capital.” This one may seem lame if you aren’t a government employee, if you are, you get the tragic tone to this.

Now, this also works if you work at the same place. A Taco Bell uniform chalupa proposal. A Target red polo and khakis kind of love. A Best Buy blue shirt bling moment under the big yellow tag sign.

The Poo-Posal

This one is a simple, cost effective, and a possible bonding opportunity. Hear me out…

You purchase a nice ring and prepare your proclamation of love speech. Then you wait until your partner is mid potty break. While in the middle of their private potty time you announce you love them, even at their grossest moments such as this. Then bust the door open and get down on one knee professing your love and presenting a ring. I know, original, right?

Do any of these proposals speak to you? If so, share your stories!

Do you need a way to scare the shit out of the one you love before you propose? Contact me! I am happy to help. If it’s awkward, creepy, weird, or scary, I can come up with the proposal for you!

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