Babadook’s sister, Madadook…

I’ve decided that the Babadook can’t be a standalone character in my version of him. The original, of course, is a monster from the book, Monster, by Jennifer Kent (who also wrote the screenplay and directed the movie, The Babadook.

While I refer to the Babadook as the monster inside my head who is always putting me down and making me doubt myself, he is always only out to get me and never out to get anyone else. Madadook, on the other hand, is the opposite. Madadook is his angry sister who hates everyone and everything with a blinding rage. She was born out of rejection. Rejection from loved ones, rejection from strangers, hate crimes and harassment. She is the feeling of blood boiling, stomach turning, eye twitching, anger from being done wrong.

I got rear-ended by a big rig two weeks ago and the frustration I feel is so strong that I literally cannot sleep. Madadook is screaming at me to get angry and I refuse. She is baiting me with the glaring need to refresh my email only to see no reply from either insurance company. By reminding me that I was driving safe, and stopped on time, and some idiot with no business driving a big rig hit me almost injuring my child and severely damaging my car causing me to be stressed, losing money (missing work time, adding unnecessary wear to my tires, going to repair shops, being without a safe car to drive, etc.). Every single time I think I’m getting out from under some weight on my shoulders, something new happens.

Things were so nice for that brief moment between being devastated about Charlie, work slowing down a bit, and the accident. That brief like one-week period of time.

I just want to sleep. Without nightmares. Daytime without Babadook or Madadook staring me down hoping to suck me into an unnecessary spiral rabbit hole. I want my car to be fixed. And if I’m lucky, a day without Peanut having a meltdown (she has been having about three per day). In the meantime, I will keep counting my blessings and taking deep breathes.

Top of that list is my beautiful baby girl and my fur babies. Even when being bad, they are my babies and make my life complete. In between her tantrums, Peanut is so sweet and loving. Lots of hugs and kisses and giggles. And as patient as I need to be with her sometimes, she is equally as patient with me. Same for the fur babies.

Other things…

Shows I’m watching:

– Joe vs Carole on Peacock – only kind of entertaining and worth watching simply for Kate McKinnon playing Carole Baskins;

– The Thing About Pam on Hulu is an entertaining story but the voiceover choice makes it sound like some weird kids’ Christmas movie gone wrong.

– The Girl from Plaineville also on Hulu is a terrible snooze fest which is unfortunate given that the story it is based off of was an interesting case.

Good News:

We have a new addition to the family! Sir Patrick Stewart is another rescue baby and as is fitting in nicely. He is sweet and sensitive and so well-behaved. He and Walter are already getting pretty used to each other, which is rare given Walter’s territorial nature. Patrick is extremely patient with Peanut which I was most nervous about since she is a toddler in the middle of a very aggressive terrible twos. But he is loving and cuddly and I am so grateful he joined our little family.

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