Literally. I am just coming off of the worst nerve damage (neuropathy) flare up I have had in months – maybe even years! When I woke up the other day, I thought to myself, “what a lovely day for a walk!” I had a sinus/nerve headache and thought maybe the fresh air would help. It all seemed harmless enough until Peanut pulled me in one direction and Walter pulled me in the other, and POP! My knee and hip sounded like a Rice Crispies commercial. And then… the nerves!
It started with a little soreness which quickly turned into blinding burning pain in my lower back, hip, and knee. That pain decided to hook up with the headache for a full body melt down. I imagine it being like the Wonder Twins, “Nerve twin powers activate!” And friends, I am not a big baby. I am covered in tattoos – which I slept through getting most of them. I had a natural childbirth, survived a few assaults, car accidents, and just the aches of growing older. So when I tell you it hurt… It HURT. Or in the words of Coco Peru, “It BURNS!” (If you don’t know the reference, look it up!)
It got worse before it got better. I was basically bed-ridden all weekend and most of the early week. I am blessed enough to both work from home, and have bosses who understand the health issues I suffer and are kind enough to not give me a hard time when needing time to heal. I haven’t had that in a very long time so I appreciate it more than they know… Or maybe the do know. I do tell them.
What about Peanut, you ask? (I assume you were wondering). She was the intelligent little terrorist that she is – she took care of her mama most of the time I was down. She sat next to me pretending to read, watching cartoons, learning numbers on her iPad, and trying to create a Jenga tower on top of me as I slept. What an amazing little covid-baby. When she’s not terrorizing me by breaking things, spilling drinks, and throwing food, she is so damn sweet and intuitive. Although as I type this she is trying to break my laptop… So there is that part too…
I am still extremely devastated by the sudden loss of my Charlie. I was able to pick up his ashes and he is on the mantle, and somehow it brings a slight sense of peace to my heart. It is like my boy is home with me where he belongs. And my anxiety calmed having him back.
I also had been talking to my good friend Karma who said to me (and this is not a direct quote), that pets are in our lives for a short time to show us unconditional love and affection, and then they finish this Lord’s work and their spirit moves on. Then it dawned on me – Charlie taught me how to be ready for Peanut. He was patient with me, he let me practice swaddling him, I carried him around like a baby. He was my little practice baby and he helped me develop the patience and the confidence to feel ready to be a mother. Karma was right. He taught me so much about love.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my first boy Walter, but Walter has always been like a grumpy roommate. Charles was my little love. And he prepared me for my bigger love, Peanut.
Different people have different belief systems and I respect them all, but I honor my roots, and it brings me comfort to believe that he will be waiting for me to guide me to the thereafter as my spirit guide. Our connection was strong, and he was my guide in many ways here on earth. So I know I will get to kiss his little face and hug him again, when the time comes. As I said in my last post, the last thing I whispered to him before his last little breathe and heartbeat was, “I love you. Wait for me on the other side.”
For now, I will just keep singing this song in my head…