We are one week away from the world of Peanut getting a little bit smaller; the departure of my parents to another country will make for quite the adjustment for my tiny human. Don’t get me wrong, she is so damn strong and resilient already at the tender age of two, but it breaks my heart for her to have to spend any time without her grandparents. I know she’s too small to remember but although I don’t remember specifics (besides knowing I didn’t have loving grandparents around) I always wished I did. Plus, as I have expressed before, I am concerned for our already small circle getting even smaller – thanks to Covid, we are limited in what adventures we can partake in.
If I’m being honest, I am terrified of anything happening to Peanut, so I am being probably more careful than most. Although I do not regret this choice, it does make for quite a lonely life at the moment. Sometimes I wonder, had I know what was coming with Covid, would I have still had my baby? Selfishly, the answer is yes. I don’t even think I would have survived this long without her. She grounds me and gives me purpose, and for someone with anxiety these are key to maintaining focus and motivation.
Above all, reader, you may not want to hear this but… despite it all, I remain hopelessly hopeful. I still have faith in a future where we can hug again. I look forward to Peanut’s quinceañera and even hope to one day walk her down the aisle. I hope for her all the better things in life. I want her to have all the happiness in the world. And I believe we will get there. It may look a little different. We may still be wearing masks. But we will get somewhere somehow. And it will be beautiful.
Now that it is not a million degrees all the time outside, Peanut and I have started going on mini outdoor adventures. We recently got to see the goats grazing – a herd gets brought into town annually to help with the dry brush. It was fun to see Peanut’s excitement and curiosity as she stood mere feet away from them.
We even had some excitement when some of the goats escaped from their fenced areas! Thankfully I follow the company on Instagram, so I was able to pull up their contact information right away and alert them of the escapees.
We also decided to join my cousin and her kids at the park to celebrate some birthdays, and although I was extremely nervous and anxious to go, it turned out to be the best time! What I loved the most about it was how happy Peanut was to get to play at a park with her cousins. I felt safe letting her play with them because the park was pretty much empty and because I have come to learn that my cousin is taking the same level of care and precautions with her children as I am with mine. So I felt relief and validation that I could tell her how I felt and what I was worried about, and that she is on the same page.
The park had these really cool ducks that shot out water. To be honest, I had never seen that before, but Peanut was having the time of her life! It was stressful but so amazing to see her have so much fun.
Although I come from a fairly good-sized Mexican family, we don’t have a lot of small kids; and I only have one cousin in the states nearby who has kids close to Peanut’s age. I was very nervous to reach out to her because I have never had a good relationship with my extended family, but when I saw her at the church the day of my grandfather’s funeral; despite my usual anxiety-induced mutism, I felt a pull to reach out to her and connect. And I am so glad I did. Even though I am terrified of being close with anyone (especially a relative), it has so far been lovely getting to know each other as adults and realizing we share the same views on many things.
I feel like I’m catching y’all up on our Summer adventures, so I will add lastly that today we had another fun Sunday at the park and Peanut kinda made a new friend. It was very cute. We were alone at the park when a guy around my age walked over with his son. The son must have be around four years old, and his name was Adam. He was quite the talker and adorable. His dad quickly apologetically explained that Adam was autistic and struggled socially. I said he was fine, and apologized because Peanut doesn’t talk or make eye contact with people. Also explained she’s a pandemic baby so she’s been in a small bubble with no other kids this whole time. He said Adam also didn’t get to see many other kids or socialize because of the pandemic. So these two little awkward kids, and these two nervous parents, ran back and forth on the soccer field. It was really sweet, and I hope we see Adam again.